World Class Sage
by HaveAHeart0301
Summary: After their sometimes surprising defeats on the show, Calill interviews the contestants that were kicked off ‘Talent-less Tellius’. Discontinued.
1. Chapter 1

**World-Class Sage**

**Chapter One**

_A/N: This should be…interesting… But I plan to cram in everyone that's been eliminated so far into this chapter, and then after I post each chapter of Talent-less Tellius, I'll post a chapter of this. Okay, so anyway, today we'll have Geoffrey, Kieran, Oliver, and Ike!_

_--_

Calill sat on a large bubblegum-pink couch in the middle of a stage. Her dress nearly matched the piece of furniture, only being a shade darker. She had her usual light violet cape draped around her shoulders as she turned to face the camera.

The camera was turned on by a crew member by the name of Largo and a huge spotlight fell on the sage.

"Welcome everyone to 'Thoughts from a Self-Proclaimed World-Class Sage!' Today we will be interviewing contestants that have been booted from everyone's favorite show 'Talent-_less_ Tellius', while also giving a recap of the performances thus far and showing what you can expect to see next!

"Our first guest on the show is the eccentric 'beauty collector'. Please give a round of applause for…Duke Oliver… Yay…"

Oliver walked out on stage and sat down on the couch next to Calill.

"Nice to have you here, Oliver…I guess." She cleared her throat. "Anyway, tell me, how do you think your performance went?"

"Well, Calill, I think it went wonderfully! Those judges just don't know what they're talking about! I mean, Leanne didn't want to be in my exhibit, and actually hit her button first, then hit Soren's too! Soren was a complete buffoon, and Lucia's not even as nice as everyone thinks!"

"Agreed, Lucia's waaaaaay too overrated. She's not as pretty as everyone thinks either! But now the crew is motioning for me to get to the next question, so… Do you think you should have made it in over Nailah?"

"Of course! She dusted a bookshelf with her tail! How is that more talented than what I did?"

"Right. Well, thanks for coming out Oliver. It was a…pleasure…to have you on the show."

"Thanks for having me…I guess."

"Okay, we'll be back after these messages from our sponsors!"

--

"And we're back! Here to help me welcome our next guest is…my daughter, Amy!"

Amy smiled and waved to the crowd.

"Our next guest is the amazing general that knitted the most beautiful sweater in the world! General Geoffrey!"

"Yaaaaay, General Geoffrey!"

Geoffrey walked out, his posture as perfect as ever. Amy scooted over so he could sit in between her and Calill.

"Wonderful to see you again, General."

"Likewise, of course."

"Oh, thank you! Now, Geoffrey, we all know how terribly unfair it was for you to be kicked off the show. So tell me, is Lucia always that mean to you?"

"Well, now that you mention it…

_Flashback where Geoffrey, Lucia, and Elincia are teenagers._

"_Hey, Sis."_

"_Shut up."_

"_Still mad about getting detention?"_

"_Yeah, because it's all your fault!"_

"_Oh come on, it is not."_

"_Oh, you're right… Hey, can I borrow your lance?"_

"_Sure, why?"_

"_No reason…"_

_Lucia grabbed the lance and stabbed herself in the arm with it. She screamed and Duke Renning rushed in._

"_Geoffrey! Lucia! What's going on here?"_

"_I-I was just standing here and Geoffrey started yelling at me and he…he stabbed me with his lance!"_

"_Geoffrey! Go to your room now!"_

"_But…I didn't--"_

"_Now, young man!"_

"…_Yes, sir…"_

"And then there was the time…"

_Elincia and Lucia walked in with face paint. Geoffrey rolled his eyes._

"_I am NOT letting you two paint my face again."_

"_But Geoffrey!!"_

_The Crimean princess looked at him with a pleading look. He sighed._

"_Fine, but as long as you do it. Lucia, don't even come near me."_

"_Whatever."_

"_Okay, close your eyes!"_

"_Alright?"_

_Geoffrey closed his eyes and the emerald-haired girl handed the paint to her foster sister. The girl sat down next to Geoffrey and scribbled all over his face._

"_Ow, Elincia, that hurts!"_

"_Sorry! I'm almost done, just hold still…"_

_She kicked her friend's leg to tell her to hurry up. The blue-eyed girl finished her 'masterpiece' by writing "loser" in huge letters on her brothers forehead._

"Wow, she's meaner than I expected! You poor, poor thing! Don't worry, she'll get what she deserves sooner or later, honey."

"Don't you have a husband, missy?"

Calill stared at her daughter in shock. Her face turned bright red.

"Uhh…nice to have you on here, General. We'll, uhh, be back after these messages…"

--

"Okay, we're back on with our third guest. Say hello to General Ike, everyone. Because…we like Ike!"

The sage laughed at her own joke.

"Now, Ike, you had a very interesting performance that went a little…unexpectedly… What happened?"

"Oh, it was just a common mistake. I got so caught up in the moment that I didn't pay attention and Bastian just _had_ to get in my way. I mean, I feel sorry for the guy and all, but he needs to get some common sense!"

"_Bastian_ got in _your_ way?"

"Oh yeah, he was way too close. He _should_ have known that I needed some space! Sheesh!"

"Right… So anyway, you were the last audition on the night, and, if I remember correctly, things were a little tense by then."

"Yeah, definitely. Lucia hated Soren. Soren hated Lucia. They were just so annoyed with each other. Soren probably would've let me through, he's a good guy like that. Leanne's sweet too, but Lucia. Man, don't even get me started."

"So it seems a lot of contestants felt that way about Lucia… As much as I'd love to discuss this further, Largo is **once again** telling me to get on with the show. Nice having you, Ike. Now, we'll be back with our final guest after the break!"

--

"Welcome back to the show! Here with me is Sir Kieran, the first contestant to appear on 'Talent-less'! Now, Kieran, you too had a challenging audition that didn't go as planned. Tell me, how did that happen?"

"Didn't go as planned? What are you talking about? I, Fifth Platoon Captain Kieran, intended for those axes to cut my foot, fly past Leanne's head, and get stuck in the ceiling! You know, that thing's still up there, ready to come down at any moment!"

"Is that so? So you're saying the crew just left it there to fall on someone's head?"

"Yep! Basically."

"Okay then… Well, since I've asked everyone else this, how do you feel about the judges…okay, we'll just cut to the chase, do you or don't you hate Lucia?"

"What?! How could you even suggest that I wouldn't like the Lady Lucia?! That's just preposterous…okay, she's kind of harsh."

"Right. Anything else?"

"She did call me a baby once…and a freak…and a bunch of other names."

"So you're saying you don't like her?"

"No! Of course not! Yes…"

"Okay, well, it was a _pleasure_ to have you here Kieran. We'll be back for our recap in a few!"

--

"Now it's time to recap the contestants that have made it through so far!" The sage started talking incredibly fast. "Queen Nailah made her way through with her tail-dusting skills while all the others in her round were cut. Tormod and Sothe both made Bastian look like a fool, with the first impersonating him, and the second stealing his wallet!" She slowed down.

"And now you may wonder what's in store for next week? It's time for auditions for a new host! It seems that Renning will be joining the panel of judges to help pick the new cast member, so expect plenty of flirting-that-makes-you-want-to-vomit between him and Lucia!

"After the show, be sure to flip your channel to check out our recap and special interviews. Until then…have fun hating Lucia!"

The sage stomped off stage and smacked Largo.

"Next time, I'm writing my own script!"

--

_A/N: Wow, Calill really hates Lucia, doesn't she? Of course she does. But anyway, I decided not to actually make commercials up (mainly because I couldn't think of anything). That actually reminds me of the time my friend and I were writing a play about this t.v. show called "Evil Chicken". Basically, my friend ran around in a chicken suit and annoyed everyone. But we made up all these weird commercials and stuff. Okay, why anyone would care about that, I have no idea! Well, now I'm done…_


	2. Chapter 2

**World Class Sage**

**Chapter Two**

_A/N: I actually forgot about writing this until now. Oh, and for those of you who read Talent-less Tellius, I'm closing the poll at the end of next week, so get your votes in before then! Okay, on with the story!_

_--_

Calill sat in one of the two chairs that were set up on her stage, her hands folded in her lap. The camera man did a quick countdown and then the show was on live.

"Welcome to another segment of 'World Class Sage' everyone! In today's episode, we'll be doing a brief recap of the latest episode of Talent-_less_ Tellius, discussing a growing dislike of Lucia, and holding a live interview with one of our favorite judges!

"To begin, we'll start with the host segment of the show! As you all know, the latest episode was an attempt to find a new host after Count Bastian was injured and unable to perform his hosting duties. Five applicants were interviewed by the three judges, along with the producer. Each interviewer was allowed to ask one question per interviewee.

"First up was Edward. He seemed like an okay guy. A little on the hyper side though. His interview was ended when he surprised viewers by doing a flip off the stage. Next came Mia, the bubbly and annoying swordswoman. Devdan....err...Danved followed and he was, well, insane. Volke appeared next and why he was there, I have no clue. A special guest wrapped things up thanks to Soren.

"Now, when we come back, we'll be interviewing the mastermind behind 'Bastian 2.0' himself!"

--

"And...we're back! Here with me today is one of the judges of Talent-less...Soren!"

"Thanks, Calill."

"Yes, now tell me, how exactly did you come up with the idea of Bastian 2.0?"

"Well, you know, I was just trying to think of something that would really get under Lucia's skin. What better to do that than a robotic version of Bastian?"

"Yes, what a genius plan! Now, speaking of Lucia, you two really don't get along, do you?"

"Not really...I guess we never really have."

"That's true. She's obviously not a very nice person from what I've been told."

"She can be nice when she wants to, mainly just to Renning though."

"I see. Now, would I be going too far to say that Lucia only got her job as judge because she's dating Renning?"

"Actually, they didn't start dating until after she was hired. That's honestly not any better though."

"I understand. Well, it was a pleasure having you here, Soren."

"Thanks. It was great being here."

"Now, when we come back, we'll have some predictions for the next episode, along with some top-secret information that I just so happened to come upon!"

--

"We're back! Now, I've been told that the next episode of Talent-less won't actually have any contestants on it. Apparently, the three judges, along with Duke Renning, will be returning to announce their pick for host! Then, that person's hosting abilities will be tested by the four.

"As for who the host may be, my guess would have to be Volke. He's the only one that didn't seem to get on the judge's nerves. I mean, Soren didn't like Edward. Renning didn't like Mia. And no one really liked Danved. It has to be Volke!

"Other than that, you can expect to, once again, be sick to your stomach thanks to Lucia and Renning. Oh! That's another thing that I forgot to mention... How many of you totally agree with Soren about wanting to vomit when they were talking back and forth? I, for one, agree! And then that thing Renning said about a pit in the basement where he would throw Lucia and Soren so Skrimir could eat them...how creepy was that?

"But anyway, that's it for now! Be sure to join us next week to receive all the latest gossip and happenings!"

--

Largo shook his head as Calill walked off the stage.

"Would it kill you to follow the script?"

"Yes, it would. After all, your script doesn't even make sense! Why would I want to compliment Lucia?"

"It's a nice thing to do!"

"In case you haven't noticed, I don't like being nice! Especially not to a dumb nobles like Lucia! She said I was useless!"

The woman walked away from her husband and he once again shook his head.

"Yes, I've definitely noticed that you're not fond of being nice..."

--

_A/N: Okay, that was short. But then again, I really didn't have much to work with. The next chapter probably won't be up any time soon...I think I'll be working on my Ike/Micaiah and Soren/Lucia fic more...and yes, I did say Soren/Lucia. In this story, they hate each other, but in my other one, they're married. Odd, I know. _

_In other news, right now I'm listening to my Science teachers singing... They were singing the other day in class and someone put it on Youtube. Lol._

_Okay, but anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this!_


End file.
